Mr.Twonkeys Daily

Panic Helpline for Journalists:

The Edinburgh festival is a difficult time for journalists, it’s no wonder that a lot of them hit rock bottom during it. I recently read a blog by Bruce Dessau about how he was finding it difficult to cope with the fact he’ll have to write over 20 reviews during August and most of the acts covered will be significantly less talented then Daniel Kiston what a drag. Bruce it turns out has been receiving far too many emails an occupational hazard not be taken lightly, it’s enough to push anyone into the lowest depths imaginable. Now help is at hand the Daily Panic is free 24 hour helpline set up by Mr.Twonkey a seasoned Edinburgh character the aim is to improve the mental health of hacks during this stressful period.

He had this to say:

Last year I witnessed journalists all over the city in very fractured and worrying mental states. I saw Kate Copstick from the Scotsman taking to a pigeon at Potterow and then forcing it to drink half a can of coco cola. I witnessed Lyn Gardner from the Guardian copying things out of books in the library sobbing like a baby. Perhaps most disturbing of all was Neil Cooper from the Herald brushing his teeth in a bus shelter after sleeping there overnight writing his reviews on the back of cigarette packets. Scenes like this have to stop before it’s too late and for some it may already be too late.

So if you are a journalist and you're reading this and you're feeling well, a little bit low don’t be embarrassed pick up the phone. We can help you with writers block, over exposure to total shit, hallucinations, death threats and vomiting. Performers get help but where is the help for journo's? Well fear not help is now at last here.

What’s more Mr.Twonkey will even take calls during his evening show Twonkey's Blue Cadabra at Espionage 7:30 pm 1-25 august. If only we could all be more like Daniel Kitson he rarely sends a single email he’s so talented people just automatically know what he’s up to due to telepathy.

THE NUMBER: Line now closed.